First hand of the day: AA
So a while later I say screw it and fire up a 100NL FR table. Get dealt JJ OTB and 3bet a couple of late position shortstackers. I get cold called by the SB with AQo - wtf - and he c/c the flop on Q83cc, checks a blank turn. I check behind. He bets 1/2 pot on a blank river and 2p2 says I have to call here even though I know I'm screwed. So I quit for today.
I feel totally unmotivated. I don't know if it's the bad run I've had the past couple weeks or what. Probably partly that and partly the feeling that I can't beat 50NL which is really discouraging to me, and I'm starting to get spewy at 25NL already because I'm feeling impatient to win more money to try to move up again. I would really like to see a site that would play with # of BBs rather than $, that would be awesome.
It's just so depressing to think you know how to play a game and win and you read strategy shit non-stop and you play nearly 200k hands of 25NL because you can't beat the next step up.
I think part of it too is that I used to wish I could do this for a living. Then I realized I knew nothing and had a lot of work to do and that I would probably never do this for a living. Now I've improved to the point where I can see it actually being possible, but it's just out of reach and I don't know how to get to that next point to push me over the edge. I think this is essentially what is so extremely frustrating. I'm concentrating more on crunching numbers to see if this is feasable than just playing my game consistently like I have in the past.
I think I might just take the rest of the month off and get a fresh start in September.