Run bad / play bad, idk

Had a nice little 10 buyin downswing tonight. I'm not really sure what to think about that right now. I hate weekends. I should really just not play between Friday and Sunday but for some reason I believe the theory that they make more mistakes and this should equal more profit for me. But I run bad and get coolered/sucked out on, and then I play bad and spew some more. 1/2 my profit for the month is gone now.

I'm 6 buyins below expectation again today in all-in EV in 3k hands. I don't really know what I should do. I really really want to move up and make some decent money at this game, but at the same time I don't want to burn money by moving up cause I get run over every time I try. I have a bit of a dilema I guess.

Maybe $50 just seems like a lot of money to me considering that I only make $20/hour at my job. I think I need a complete re-tooling of my thought process because I see people stacking off so light like it's an easy decision in videos I watch but when I'm playing I'm always thinking they have the nuts. I tend to make a lot of second best hands with my strategy for some reason and lose a lot of medium sized pots, especially OOP. My bet sizing must also be whacked because I have a hell of a time trying to get people to fold even though my stats are quite nitty for most people I'm sure. I generally do not win pots without showdown if my cbet fails. This is a massive leak and I don't know how to fix it. I guess I'll try to tighten up again in MP so I'm not getting floated constantly by button seats with ATC.

I need to stop being a nit but I can't figure out how. I am currently running at 18/13 which is not nitty, and it's nice when I'm catching cards, but the variance is so huge compared to what I'm used to so I go back to my 13/10 self as soon as things start looking bad. This month has been a rollercoaster on the bankroll graph and it's really affecting me.

I feel I'm burned out and I should be taking a break but I've been working so hard at reading and re-reading some excellent books and working on my game and pacing myself to get Platinum again for next month that it would seem like such a waste. Days like today just completely drain the motivation right out of you though.

I'll just try to wake up tomorrow and restart my mind at $0. I'm not in the hole by any means.